Social anxiety from using discord... what should I do?

[Narukaba]

I joined a clan last night and the clan leader urged me to join their discord since using discord is a REQUIREMENT by the clan leader, especially during dungeon raids, PVP, and whatnot.

 

This make me nervous as I have social anxiety... but it's something that I probably won't bring up to the clan leader since it's too personal and cringe-inducing. However, at the same time I need help in the game and ofc I would like to do some raids since I do need those drops from dungeons to improve my gear. Doing everything solo has been near impossible for me.

 

Do any of you have social anxiety as well? If so, how do you overcome this problem?

 

 

[JoannaRamira]

Just be yourself.  I handle my anxiety problem by being outright honest about my condition and why i behave the way i am.  and i brought my problem straight open so everyone can see who am i. The real me. You're bound to find companions :3 which will accept you the way you are.

 

When things went awry, you have to find room for yourself, no need to force yourself to join voice chat, or join but with muted microphone.  but stay honest. Most likely people wont give you trouble and left you free.

 

An example :

 

I have myself some anxiety problem as well, mainly coming from my IRL condition.  My clan is an endgame mostly, and those playing with me for so long progressed quite rapidly. That they are now doing TT and im still in VT.  and they started to measure things based on gears, and nitpick me. Naturally one cannot expect rapid pace of gearing from someone like me who often got flood inside my house. It has to be on my own terms.

 

This is me some months ago during the peak of Indonesian Monsoon season.  Was BT time i handle range tanking.  Playing time is limited by my own physical condition (its cold)

 

Notice the water almost reach my chair so i have to use newspaper filled plastic bag as makeshift rise.

 

It's 1 ft inside my house

 

Imagine how anxious it is to let others knew what you are facing. But as i said previously, stay honest.  Be real on yourself

 

 

[Cauli]

I'm a pretty shy person and had trouble going to discord at first too, but wouldn't say I have social anxiety. Do you get anxiety just from being in the Discord room, even without talking? If not, you could try to go there with your mic muted, so you don't have to talk. Get used to other people's voices and personalities first. Your clan leader might also find that sufficient for raids (I've been in TT raids where half of the raid was muted and just listened to the shot-callers, sometimes it's better if there aren't 12 people trying to talk through eachother).

 

Alternatively, find someone you trust and get along with well and sit in discord 1 on 1 (while doing something ingame so you have a subject to talk about and it won't be that awkward, then maybe add a 3rd person. This works for several people I know, as the anxiety often increases with the number of people. 

 

If neither of these things work for you, then Idk either. 

 

Also wow, that flood post. Those are some ehm... unfortunate conditions. 

[Grimzy]

You need to keep in mind that they want you to join the discord so you can hear them when they give out roles or talk about mechs. you do not necessairly need to talk, as long as you join and listen thats all they will relaly care about.

[Saksoy]

I have social anxiety too. I usually just buy raid runs to get the drop then use events like trove to upgrade them, so i can just stick to f8 most of the time.

[Gratus]

Hey bud. If you mean your clan has talking via mic as a requirement, that sounds quite unusual. You can just tell your clan leader you're not comfortable talking, and if he's not okay with it, you might want to look for another clan. I doubt being in voice outside of raids/clan 6v6 is necessary either. For raids you could mute others that are casually talking if it bothers you and just listen to the shotcallers.

 

If you have trouble being in the Discord server (it's not purely a voice program, it also serves as a chat room) altogether, then just keep in mind you can work your way into the social circles. Maybe start by doing dailies etc with your clan mates and it'll get easier.

[Kozuki]

My English speaking skill is very poor, and my English listening skill is so-so, so I join Discord without a mic. For most of the time, I don't understand/don't bother understanding my clan's chit-chat cuz they speak kinda fast, and I don't want to join them, cuz I either lack of things to say, or just don't feel good talking in language where I am bad at speaking.

 

However, I can still raid normally following orders, cuz shot-callers speak the objectives very clearly. Unless you do the jobs of telling people what to do during the raid, you don't need a mic.

[wcnighthawk]

13 hours ago, Narukaba said:

Do any of you have social anxiety as well? If so, how do you overcome this problem?

 

I simply avoid people and solo everything.  You will be forced to team up with random strangers for some dungeons, but luckily no one really chats so it's not a big deal.

[Showta]

 

Just say hi, usually this starts a tidal wave of everyone else saying hi and if they say anything further just say 'I'm shy' and most sympathize with that and try to talk to you a lot softer, getting to know you at a much safer pace. Remember, MMOs are social games. It's in your best interest to get to know people, that way you don't struggle at all to get things done. The game is a cakewalk once you get in on a decent group. Don't even have to formally introduce yourself. Just say 'hi' and let it take off from there.

[chickenpoodle]

there are some people in my raid group who do not speak at all.

they type to notify us of things and sure, sometimes its inconvenient but we get around it.

you'll get really good at warning ppl of things ahead of time as they have.

 

and yeah we're working on TT atm.

just cleared floor 2 this week. 

 

so yes its possible. you have to be in discord to listen to others though, but being muted works just fine. 

 

and lastly, if the group of people are absolutely hell bent on pushing you to do things you're not comfortable with, get the hell out. those people don't deserve to have you around. online games are only as good as the people you surround yourself with. I feel like they are really the factors that make or break the game experience for most people.

[RavTH]

step out of comfort zone and start communicating with your clan, they want to help you, they can't help you if you are not interested, if you show no interest they will likely kick you and you'll get misunderstanding and think they just don't like you.

 

I hate people like you for being selfish about their anti-social life styles, but it's not like you have to talk to them straight away, you can always listen to them as they are more experienced players they would help you more and you would eventually.. open up to them? and then you would either find them if they are gucci or not same goes to them towards you. To establish better gameplay and progression in bns is to beable to communicate with your clan, you could get away with being solo player but not for long, and specially in bns state right now is critical. VT gear or go home.

[chocofernia]

most clans require discord for raid sign ups or general announcements, as it's hard to fit anything useful in the clan notice. it's also an easier way to communicate w the leader for if youre disappearing for a long period at a time, as the messages are saved/archived and wont disappear like blade and soul's. if you're truly uncomfortable w voice chat, i would suggest whispering the clan leader to let them know that that's why you may not have joined yet, i'm sure they'll be understanding. 

[Junamaki]

1 hour ago, RavTH said:

I hate people like you for being selfish about their anti-social life styles

Wow that's a nasty thing to say to someone and hate is such a strong word. Judging by the things you've said you clearly don't know how hard it is for someone with anxiety to open up to people. I have no clue how you came up with that as being selfish.

[RavTH]

1 minute ago, Junamaki said:

Wow that's a nasty thing to say to someone and hate is such a strong word. Judging by the things you've said you clearly don't know how hard it is for someone with anxiety to open up to people. I have no clue how you came up with that as being selfish.

not going out of comfort zone is it

[Astarae]

Why?  Suppose their comfort zone is essential to their health and you force them to step out of it.

Now who's there for them while they have a panic attack, or worse, a some sort of severe depression crisis?

 

Presuming to know what's best for others is the the pinnacle of arrogance.  While you can encourage them to exceed their limits, never judge that their limits are "bad" unless you are, in-person, there for them and their long term friend -- and even then it can be very iffy.  You ready to take responsibilities for whatever comes?

 

FWIW -- that's the most extreme -- for some people, who are very much like you, you may be right, but given the world-wide community the chances that they are NOT like you are greater than in most situations.

 

As for original poster's anxiety -- thanks for asking -- I had a slight similar reaction ... but ya know... (whether it is true or false), alot of people don't have working microphones and especially don't have working cameras.  So if one or the other is uncomfortable for you... just tell them your mic isn't setup or isn't working or you don't have one.  After all -- as someone else above said -- usually they just want you to be able to hear instructions -- you can always type back answers in chat.  But hopefully you can listen to game chats w/o feeling anxious...?

[Thicc Stoccpot]

3 hours ago, RavTH said:

not going out of comfort zone is it

 

4 hours ago, RavTH said:

I hate people like you for being selfish about their anti-social life styles, but it's not like you have to talk to them straight away, you can always listen to them as they are more experienced players they would help you more and you would eventually.. open up to them?

Just because they don't like getting out of their comfort zone doesn't mean they are selfish... What if they can't? What if they have depression or severe anxiety? What if they are just painfully shy/reserved? So are you saying being shy is equivalent to being selfish? If your answer is yes then I think I'll give up right here.... People are shy/anxious/depressed not because they want to be like that ya know? Trust me those kind of emotion states / conditions are not really good for anyone.

 

Yes, you don't have to help them. Yes, you don't even have to reach out for them either. And yes, if they are inactive too much, are passive too much, stay silent and/or not being a team player for too long then I even agree that kicking them is a viable choice. But that doesn't mean they are selfish. That doesn't mean they don't deserve basic respect.

 

To call them names and berate them when you don't even know them or know what's going on with their lives or in their heads is just not cool man, not right either.

. 

[Astarae]

re: thic -- is there an echo in here?... :-)

 

[RavTH]

20 hours ago, Thicc Stoccpot said:

 

Just because they don't like getting out of their comfort zone doesn't mean they are selfish... What if they can't? What if they have depression or severe anxiety? What if they are just painfully shy/reserved? So are you saying being shy is equivalent to being selfish? If your answer is yes then I think I'll give up right here.... People are shy/anxious/depressed not because they want to be like that ya know? Trust me those kind of emotion states / conditions are not really good for anyone.

 

Yes, you don't have to help them. Yes, you don't even have to reach out for them either. And yes, if they are inactive too much, are passive too much, stay silent and/or not being a team player for too long then I even agree that kicking them is a viable choice. But that doesn't mean they are selfish. That doesn't mean they don't deserve basic respect.

 

To call them names and berate them when you don't even know them or know what's going on with their lives or in their heads is just not cool man, not right either.

. 

define basic respect

and I only ment what I said above, I did not state anything with their own problems.